My attention span was always that of a gnat. Still is sometimes depending on my mood and surroundings. Don't get me wrong, I really try and hope to be considered a polite/easy going person to be around, I just struggle with comprehension occasionally and have to reread or rewind or ask a person to repeat what they just said to make sure I heard right.
Failure to concentrate made learning a challenge throughout my youth and young adulthood. So much so that it held me back and scared me out of trying new things. Generally preferring to communicate through writing, the worst feeling was always stumbling over my words in conversation or being called upon in class. Of course, we all think a lot faster than we speak but sometimes I just couldn't make the words come out at all because of the intrusive thoughts getting in the way. Back then no one had heard of ADD or spoke about other learning disabilities and it was difficult having to spend so much time trying to understand while learning my lessons. But overtime with patient parents, the help of wonderful teachers, and many hours of study, I ended up in advanced classes and maintained a great GPA throughout high school, thank goodness.
Unfortunately, all the extra work I had to do made recreational reading even more of a chore so I never really enjoyed picking up books outside of school requirements to expand my mind. I’ve always loved the art of storytelling but if it was between a book and a movie, I’d opt for the movie version. Understandably though, the limited time allotted for film requires omitting so many important details and information that only a book can provide. Still, I wasn't interested. Whenever my friends recommended books for us to chat about I kept putting them off and would look up enough info about the subject to just get by in conversation.
Until one day, speaking of movies, there was a scene that stuck with me from the Kevin Costner film, For Love of the Game. The main character was a MLB pitcher and right before throwing a pitch he would lean forward to get his signal from the catcher, while murmuring to himself, "Clear the mechanism." I know, I know, it may sound cheesy to some, it's Hollywood after all. But this mantra would allow him to laser focus on the task at hand. The roar of the cheering crowd was silenced and the rest of the world was blurred except for the batter and catcher directly in front of him. In clearing his mind, he was able to perform at his best. I realized that I actually used to employ a similar tactic when playing softball throughout my youth and into my twenties. Whenever I could silence the noise around me as I stepped up to the plate, I would achieve a great hit. But if I let all the distractions get to me, then I'd strike out. I spoke to my sister about it one day as she was an amazing athlete in multiple sports and she said she never heard the crowd during a game. She just played.
I love that, perhaps even envy her natural ability. I think a lot of sporting folks would say the same. Whether using meditation, music, deep breathing, or shear self awareness, harnessing our focus can yield such positive results. Some of us just have to work harder at it than others. But with determination, taking control and being mindful can certainly become easier, it's all about perspective.
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Here are some basic tips to improve interactions and enhance listening skills:
Be present: Focus your attention fully on the speaker. Avoid multitasking.
Show Interest: Use non-verbal cues like nodding, maintaining eye contact, and facing the speaker to show that you’re engaged and interested in what they’re saying.
Avoid Interrupting: Let the speaker express themselves without interruption. Wait for natural pauses to ask questions or provide feedback.
Ask Clarifying Questions: If something is unclear, ask open-ended questions to gain more insight and show that you’re actively processing the information.
Empathize: Put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and try to understand their perspective and emotions. Show empathy and understanding towards their feelings.
Practice Patience: Listening effectively takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself as you develop this skill.
How I taught myself to listen to content.
Feeling bored with my music playlists during walks and chores, I finally gave in to the thought of branching out and trying something new, to me that is. Nowadays, everyone has a podcast it seems. You can't turn around without someone saying, "Did you hear about so and so's podcast?" I was tired of wondering what all the fuss was about.
Luckily, there is so much free content out there on multiple platforms, the only reason to pay for anything is if you just want to be ad free. You can listen on your own time, literally any time, anywhere. I became more and more curious. Plus, the world had pretty much shut down during Covid and I was running out of entertainment options.
Mike Rowe’s podcast, The Way I Heard It, was where I began. Back in 2020, a lot of his first episodes averaged around 10 minutes, I thought surely I could pay attention that long?! He starts telling you a story, laying it all out in his smooth baritone voice. You’d get to learn some history and then guess which famous person or what product that week's subject turned out to be. The format nostalgically reminded me of Paul Harvey's radio broadcast, The Rest of the Story, that I used to hear on grandma's radio in her kitchen. I downloaded a few episodes here and there, in case I was in the mood or had time to attempt a few back to back depending on their length. Before I knew it, I actually looked forward to listening. Was it his voice or the content? Who cares! I was learning to pay attention!
Then I heard about Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman. I knew of Dax from his time on Punked and Parenthood but that’s about it. Mostly, I saw who their celebrity guests were and thought I’d give it a shot. I quickly realized that Dax was molding his interviews to be like that of Howard Stern. Stern’s format of easy conversation and booking his guests for at least an hour helps them to forget about being recorded for millions of ears. They settle into a comfortable chat with a friend and we get to benefit from that openness.
Before long, I was downloading episodes for road trips and found myself unable to enjoy walks/exercise without my AirPods in. Who had I become?!? Feeling empowered and yearning for more knowledge, I decided to shoot for the stars and try listening to a book. Oh my!
My friends and I were planning a Savannah girl's trip and a couple of them were reading Surviving Savannah to discuss and get a feel for the city, then maybe even try to visit certain areas mentioned in said novel. Not wanting to be left out, I downloaded Audible for a trial period to see how I liked it. I appreciated that you could cancel anytime or pause your membership to catch up on credits. (Which I’m currently doing.) You can also download Libby through your local library for free access. Sometimes Audible has new releases before Libby so I go back and forth now. Anyway, it was so much fun to engage in this story and be able to critique it with my friends along the way. I even followed up by listening to Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil despite having previously seen the movie multiple times and I learned so much more. All of which elevated my vacation experience with new perspectives and enrichment.
For the first time since college, I’ve “read” more books than ever in my life.
Now I'm hooked and the only con I've run into while listening to content is an occasional aversion to a narrator's voice. There have been a couple times where I had to turn a book back in because I simply could not stand the vocals for one reason or another. But that's just a personal preference. Overall, listening to podcasts/books provides a convenient, enjoyable, and enriching way to consume content and engage with various topics that interest us. The benefits and optimistic results have certainly been immeasurable for me.
By training myself to actively listen to these formats, I've noticed countless positive effects that have carried over into my personal life. Most notably, an improved confidence in my abilities and realizing I really can do whatever I set my mind to. So can you by the way. Now, I'm able to stay tuned in better during conversations and get less distracted by outside variables. Although, I'm still going to mute the tv when on the phone because that's just good manners. But in a social setting when multiple conversations are going on around us I can focus more on the person directly in front of me and keep pace like we're in our own little bubble. Sometimes I still get lost sifting through all the useless facts or random thoughts floating around in my head but I'm ok with the fact that I'll probably never be able to chew gum, walk, listen to music and carry on a conversation all at once. I'd rather give my full attention to someone because that's what they deserve.
We've all got to give ourselves some grace.
No matter the situation, we're told to get enough sleep, proper nutrients, exercise, blah, blah, blah. But beyond the basic necessities, of which we all fall short on here and there, you just need the will to try. Please excuse me now, I must tune in to hear who Dax and Monica are chatting up today!